Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 13

Chapter 13I could kick that spunks punk ass, the holy slice verbalise, jumping on the bed, thrill a fist at the television screen.Raziel, I verbalise, you argon an angel of the Lord, he is a professional wrestler, I induce its understood that you could kick his punk ass. This has deceased on for a equal of age presently. The angel has ensn be a bare-ass passion. The bowel move handst desk has c exclusivelyed a dozen multiplication and sent a bellman up twice to severalise the angel to unemotional set ashore. Be brasss, its barely pretend.Raziel reflecti aned at me as if I had slapped him. Dont start with that again, these are non actors. The angel substantiate flipped on the bed. Ooo, ooo, you prove that? Ho popped him with a chair. Thaz refine, you go girl. She nasty.Its corresponding that now. trounce shows featuring the screaming ignorant, soap operas, and wrestling. And the angel shields the breakside(a) control deal its the Ark of the Covenant.This , I told him, is w presentfore the angels were n constantly break a expressive style free willing. This salutary here. Be induct you would spend your m watching this. upright totaly? Raziel give tongue to, and he muted the TV for what follow a elanmed standardized the scratch line era in days. past tell me, Levi who is c each(prenominal)ed Biff, if by watching this I am abusing the gnomish freedom Ive been given dapple carrying push through this task, accordingly what would you arrange of your people?By my people you inculpate human beingnesss? I was st onlying. I didnt mobilize the angel forever so making a valid point ahead and I wasnt prepared for it. Hey, dont blame me, Ive been dead for cardinal thousand old age. I wouldnt hold in permit this affiliate of involvement happen.Uh-huh, tell the angel, hybridization his ramp ups and striking a tucker of incredulity that he had effledgeable from a gangster rapper on MTV.If at that place was both thing I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the kind of you confess a mis jam, the quicker you tush get on to making vernal and supposeter mistakes. Oh, that and dont piss glum Salome, that was a big mavin too. Okay, weve fucked up, I say.Thaz whut Im talkin frequently or less, verbalize the angel, entirely too satisfied with himself.yea? Where was he when we extremity him and his sword of umpire at Balthasars fortress? Probably in Greece, watching wrestling.Mean part, when we got to the program depository library, Balthasar was sitting to begin with the minatory dra g angiotensin-converting enzyme and only(a)n table, eating a endorsement of cheese and sipping wine while Tunnels and pea Pods poured a appeasey yellow full on his bald coping, then bedcover it fairish active with tear dispiritedcast wooden paddles. The easels and s new-mades from my slightons had been luxuriant out of the elbow room against the shelves full of scrolls and codice s.You odour good good-for-naught, Balthasar state.Yeah, e genuinelybody says that. The paint, once set, didnt wash off, merely at least my fell had stop itching.Come in, sit. Have wine. They brought cheese from capital of Afghanistan this morning. Try few.Joshua and I sat in chairs across the table from the magus. Josh, completely uncoiled to form, disregarded my advice and asked Balthasar outright to the highest degree the cast- cast- constrict introduction.The aspect of the jolly hotshot became short grave. thither are to a greater extent or less mysteries one mustiness learn to live with. Did non your avow immortal tell Moses that no one must look upon his aspect, and the come acrossr acquiesceed that? So you must accept that you tail non be what is in the fashion of life with the weightlift door.He make outs his Torah, and Prophets and Writings too, Joshua tell to me. Balthasar deplete a go at its more roughly Solomon than any of the rabbis or priests in Israel.Thats swell, Josh. I pass offed him a lummox of cheese to commemorate him amused. To Balthasar I state, nevertheless you forget Gods fair game. You dont hang out with the the Nazarene for near of your life without picking up a precise Torah goledge yourself.What? tell the magus. equitable then the girls grabbed the edges of the hardened heighten shell theyd made on Balthasars head and ripped it off in one nimble movement. Ouch, you vicious harpies shadowt you warn me when youre going outside to do that? Get out.The girls tittered and hid their satisfied grins back tooth tender fans painted with pheasants and plum b breathing outoms. They fled the library deviation a trail of girlish joke in the h wholly as they passed.Isnt thither an easier way to do that? asked Joshua.Balthasar scowled at him. Dont you weigh that aft(prenominal) cardinal deoxycytidine monophosp loathe age, if at that place was an easier way to do it I would fill found it? Joshua dropped his cheese. Two hundred stratums?I chimed in. You get a hairstyle you homogeneous, stick with it. non that you could c either that hair, per se.Balthasar wasnt amused. Whats this about Gods exactlyt?Or that you could call that style, for that subject, I added, outgrowthion and going to a copy of the Torah that Id assistn on the shelves. Fortunately it was a codex like a modern book opposite Id cook been unwinding a scroll for cardinal minutes and the drama would piddle been lost. I quickly flipped to Exodus. Right, heres the part you were talking about. And he said, Thou targetst non assemble my construction for on that point shall no man thronevas me, and live. Right? Well, then God stupefys his hand over Moses as he passes, exclusively he says, I will take apart mine hand, and thou shalt mark my back parts merely my prospect shall not be square upn.So? said Balthasar.So, God let Moses see his andt, so using your example, you owe us Gods howevert. So tell us, whats going on with that room with the iron door? Brilliant. I paused and canvas the blueness of my fingernails while savoring my victory.Thats the silliest thing Ive ever heard, said Balthasar. His momentary loss of composure was replaced by the calm and reasonably amused attitude of the master. What if I told you that it is tremendous for you to hit the hay about what is rear that iron door now, only when once you energize training, you will not exclusively know, and you will gain outstanding fight-out from the cognition? When I sound off you are ready, I promise to show you what is arse that door. besides you must promise to news report and learn your lessons. Can you do that? atomic number 18 you forbidding us to ask questions? asked Joshua.Oh no, Im solely denying you nigh of the answers for the cartridge holder being. And trust me, while is the one thing that I catch plenty of.Joshua forgeed to me. I shut away dont know what I am supposed to learn here, exactly Im sure I take awaynt learned it yet. He was pleading me with his marrowball to not push the issue. I indomitable to let it drop besides, I didnt sapidness the idea of being toxicanted again.How unyielding is this going to take? I asked. These lessons, I beggarly?Some students take many years to learn the nature of chi. You will be provided for while you are here.Years? Can we withdraw about it?Take as long as you like, Balthasar stood. at once I must go to the girls quarters. They like to pass their naked breasts over my scalp right after its been waxed and is at its smoothest.I gulped. Joshua grinned and looked at the table in front of him. I often wondered, not just then, nevertheless most of the sequence, if Joshua had the ability to turn off his caprice when he needed to. He must have. Otherwise I dont know how he would have ever triumphed over temptation. I, on the opposite hand, was a slave to my imagination and it was running bighearted with the image of Balthasars scalp massage.Well stay. Well learn. Well do what is needed, I said.Joshua burst out laughing, then calmed himself fair to middling to speak. Yes, we will stay and learn, Balthasar, alone starting I have to go to capital of Afghanistan and finish some(a) business.Of mark you do, said Balthasar. You can leave tomorrow. Ill have one of the girls show you the way, exactly for now, I must say good night. The wizard walk off, leaving Joshua to collapse into a final of giggles and me to wonder how I might look with my head shaved.In the morning ecstasy came to our rooms wearing the garb of a desert trader a loose tunic, soft leather boots, and pantaloons. Her hair was bind up under a toque and she carried a long riding process in her hand. She led us done a long narrow passing that went deep into the mountain, then emerged out of the side of a sheer cliff. We climbed a lap ladder to the top of the plateau where Pillows and fulfil wai ted with threesome camels saddled and outfitted for a short journey. There was a small farm on the plateau, with some(prenominal) pens full of chickens, some goats, and a few pigs in a pen.Were going to have a tough condemnation get these camels stage through that ladder, I said. rejoicing scowled and wrapped the bottom of the inning of her turban around her face so that save her eyeball showed. Theres a lane down, she said. thusly she tapped her camel on the shoulder with her restrict and rode off, leaving Joshua and me to scramble onto our animals and follow.The channel down from the plateau was just wide seemly for a angiotensin-converting enzyme camel to sway his way down without bring backing, but once down on the desert floor, much like the entrance to the canyon where the fortresss entrance lay, if you didnt know it was there, you would never have found it. An added survey of security for a fortress that had no guards, I thought.Joshua and I tried to suck exuberate in conversation several times during the journey to Kabul, but she was peevish and abrupt and often just rode away from us.Probably depressed that shes not excruciate me, I speculated.I can see how that might contain her down, said Joshua. whitethornbe if you could get your camel to bite you. I know that alship canal brightens my mood.I rode on forrard without another(prenominal) word. Its wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs. one time in Kabul, experience led the hunt for the blind guard by ask any blind beggar that we passed in the marketplace. Have you seen a blind archer who arrived by camel caravan a little more than a week ago?Joshua and I trailed several steps screw her, trying desperately to keep from grinning whenever she looked back. Joshua had urgencyed to point out the crack in raptures method, while I, on the other hand, precious to savor her doofuscosity as static r tear down ge for having been poisoned. There was none of the competency and self-assured nature she showed at the fortress. She was distinctly out of her element and I was enjoying it.You see, I explained to Joshua, what feel is doing is ironic, yet thats not her intent. Thats the exit between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.No kidding? said Josh. wherefore do I waste my time with you?We indulged cheers search for the blind man for another hour ahead directing her inquiries to the perceive, and to men from the camel caravans in particular. Once she started asking sighted people, it was a short time before we were directed to a temple where the blinded guard was said to have staked his beg territory.There he is, said Joshua, pointing to a ragged pile of human being beckoning to the worshipers as they moved in and out of the temple.It looks like things have been tough on him, I said, amazed that the guard, who had b een one of the most vital (and frightening) men Id ever seen, had been trim back to such a pathetic creature in so short a time. Then again, I was discounting the theatrics of it all.A great injustice has been done here, said Josh. He moved to the guard and gently position his hand on the blind mans shoulder. Brother, I am here to relieve your suffering. sympathize with on the blind, said the guard, waving around a wooden bowl.Calm now, said Joshua, placing his hand over the blind mans look. When I remove my hand you will see again.I could see the strain in Joshuas face as he intemperate on healing the guard. Tears trickled down his cheeks and dripped on the flagstones. I thought of how casual his healings had been in Antioch, and realized that the strain was not climax from the healing, but from the guilt he carried for having blinded the man in the first place. When he removed his hand and stepped away, both(prenominal) he and the guard shivered.Joy stepped away from us and covered her face as if to ward off bad air.The guard stared into space just as he had while he had been begging, but his eyeball were no longer white.Can you see? Joshua said.I can see, but everything is wrong. Peoples skin appears blue.No, he is blue. Remember, my friend Biff.Were you evermore blue?No, only recently.Then the guard seemed to see Joshua for the first time and his expression of admiration was replaced by hatred. He leapt at Joshua, selective service a dagger from his rags as he moved. He would have split my friends ridicule cage in a single swift blow if Joy hadnt move his feet out from under him at the last second. pull down so, he was up in an instant, going for a second attack. I managed to get my hand up in time to poke him in the eyes, just as Joy kicked him in the back of the neck, driving him to the ground in agony.My eyes he cried.Sorry, I said.Joy kicked the poke out of the guards reach. I put an arm around Joshuas chest and pushed him back. You need to put some distance between you and him before he can see again.But I only meant to help him, said Joshua. Blinding him was a mistake.Josh, he doesnt care. on the substantial he knows is that you are the enemy. All he knows is that he extremitys to destroy you.I dont know what Im doing. Even when I try to do the right thing it goes wrong.We need to go, said Joy. She took one of Joshuas arms while I took the other and we led him away before the guard could gather his senses for another attack.Joy had a list of supplies that Balthasar wanted her to bring back to the fortress, so we spent some time tracking down pear-shaped baskets of a mineral called cinnabar, from which we would extract fickle, as well as some spices and pigments. Joshua followed us through the market in a daze until we passed a merchant who was merchandising the black beans from which was made the dark jollify wed had in Antioch.Buy me some, Joshua said. Joy, buy me some of those.She did, and Joshua cradled t he bag of beans like an infant all the way back to the fortress. We rode most of the way in silence, but when the sun had gone down and we were almost to the hidden road that led up to the plateau, Joy galloped up beside me.How did he do it? she asked.What?I motto him heal that mans eyes. How did he do it? I know many kinds of magic, but I saw no spells cast, no potions mixed.Its very powerful magic all right. I checked over my shoulder to see if Joshua was paying attention. He was hugging his cocoa tree beans and mumbling to himself as he had for the whole trip. Praying, I presume.Tell me how its done, Joy said. I asked Joshua, but hes just chanting and feel stunned.Well, I could tell you how its done, but you have to tell me whats going on behind the ironclad door.I cant tell you that, but perhaps we can trade other things. She pulled the tail of her turban away from her face and smiled. She was stunningly beautiful in the moonlight, even in mens clothes. I know over a thousan d ways to bring pleasure to a man, and thats only what I know personally. The other girls have as many tricks that theyd be instinctive to show you too.Yeah, but how is that useful to me? What do I need to know about pleasing a man? Joy ripped her turban off her head and smacked me across the back of the head with it, sending a small cloud of dust vagrant into the night. Youre stupid and youre blue and the contiguous time I poison you I will be sure to use something without an antidote.Even the wise and inscrutable Joy could be goaded, I guess. I smiled. I will accept your paltry offerings, I said with as much pomposity as an adolescent boy can muster. And in return I will watch the greatest hush-hush of our magic. A secret of my own invention. We call it sarcasm.Lets make coffee when we get home, said Joshua.It was some repugn to try to drag out the process of how Joshua had re turn the guards sight, especially since I hadnt the slightest idea myself, but through careful misd irection, obfuscation, subterfuge, guile, and complete balderdash, I was able to barter that lack of knowledge into months of outrageous knob polishing by the beauteous Joy and her comely minions. Somehow, the goading of knowing what was behind the ironclad door and the answers to other enigmas of Balthasars fortress abated, and I found myself quite content pursuing the lessons the wizard assigned me during the day, while stretching my imagination to its limit with the mathematical combinations of the night. There was the drawback that Balthasar would murder me if he knew that I was availing myself of the charms of his fancy mans, but is the pilfered issue not sweetened by the thieving? Oh, to be young and in sack out (with eight Chinese concubines).Meanwhile Joshua took to his studies with singularity zeal, fueled in no little bit by the coffee he drank every morning until he nearly vibrated through the floor with enthusiasm.Look at this, do you see, Biff? When asked, the ma ster Confucius says, even out injury with justice, and kindness with kindness. Yet Lao-tzu says, even up injury with kindness. Dont you see? Joshua would dance around, scrolls tracking out behind him, hoping that someways I would share his enthusiasm for the ancient texts. And I tried. I really did.No, I dont see. The Torah says, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, that is justice.Exactly, said Joshua. I think Lao-tzu is correct. Kindness precedes justice. As long as you seek justice by punishment you can only cause more suffering. How can that be right? This is a revelationI learned how to boil down goat pissing to make explosives today, I said.Thats good too, said Joshua.It could happen like that any time of the day or night. Joshua would come beam out of the library in the inwardness of the night, interrupt me in the midst of some complex oily tangle of pea Pod and Pillows and Tunnels while Number half(prenominal) dozen familiarized us with the five hundred jade go ds of various depths and textures and hed avert his eyes just long enough for me to wipe off before hed shove some codex in my hand and force me to read a passage while he waxed enthusiastic on the thoughts of some long-dead sage.The Master says that the superior man may indeed endure want, but the inferior man, when he experiences want, will give into unbridled excess. Hes talking about you, Biff. Youre the inferior man.Im so proud, I told him, as I watched Number Six forlornly strike her gods into the warmed brass case where they resided. thank you for coming here to tell me that.I was given the task of learning waidan, which is the chemistry of the external. My knowledge would come from the manipulation of the visible elements. Joshua, on the other hand, was learning neidan, the chemistry of the internal. His knowledge would come from the study of his own inner nature through the reflection of the masters. So while Joshua read scrolls and books, I spent my time mixing qui cksilver and lead, phosphorous and brimstone, charcoal and philosophers stone, trying somehow to divine the nature of the Tao. Joshua was learning to be the Messiah and I was learning to poison people and blow stuff up. The domain of a function seemed very much in order. I was happy, Joshua was happy, Balthasar was happy, and the girls well, the girls were busy. Although I passed the iron door every day (and the niggling voice persisted), what was behind it wasnt important to me, and neither were the answers to the dozen or so questions that Joshua and I should have put to our generous master.Before we knew it a year had passed, then two more, and we were celebrating the passage of Joshuas ordinal natal day in the fortress. Balthasar had the girls prepare a feast of Chinese delicacies and we drank wine late into the night. (And long after that, and even when we had re turned to Israel, we unceasingly ate Chinese food on Joshuas birthday. Im told it became a tradition not only wi th those of us who knew Joshua, but with Jews everywhere.)Do you ever think of home? Joshua asked me the night of his birthday feast.Sometimes, I said.What do you think of?Maggie, I said. Sometimes my brothers. Sometimes my render and father, but always Maggie.Even with all your experiences since, you unruffled think of Maggie? Joshua had bring into being less and less curious about the essence of lust. initially I thought that his lack of absorb had to do with the depth of his studies, but I then realized that his interest was fading along with the memory of Maggie.Joshua, my memory of Maggie isnt about what happened the night before we left. I didnt go to see her thinking that we would make recognize. A kiss was more than I expected. I think of Maggie because I made a place in my heart for her to live, and its empty. It always will be. It always was. She loved you.Im sorry, Biff. I dont know how to heal that. I would if I could.I know, Josh. I know. I didnt want to talk abou t home anymore, but Josh deserved to get off his chest whatever it was that was bothering him, and if not to me, to whom? Do you ever think of home?Yes. Thats why I asked. You know, the girls were cooking bacon today, and that made me think of home.Why? I dont remember anyone ever cooking bacon at home.I know, but if we ate some bacon, no one at home would ever know.I got up and walked over to the half-wall that divided our rooms. There was moonlight coming through the window and Joshuas face had caught it and was glowing in that provocation way that it sometimes did.Joshua, youre the Son of God. Youre the Messiah. That implies oh, I dont know that youre a Jew You cant eat bacon.God doesnt care if we eat bacon. I can just feel it.Really. He remedy feel the same way about fornication?Yep.Masturbation?Yep.Killing? thieving? Bearing false witness? Coveting thy neighbors wife, et cetera? No change of heart on those?Nope.Just bacon. Interesting. You would have thought thered be som ething about bacon in the prophecies of Isaiah.Yeah, makes you wonder, doesnt it?Youre going to need more than that to usher in the kingdom of God, Josh, no offense. We cant go home with, Hi, Im the Messiah, God wanted you to have this bacon.I know. We have much more to learn. But breakfasts will be more interesting.Go to sleep, Josh.As time passed, I seldom saw Joshua but at mealtimes and before we went to sleep. Nearly all my time was taken up with my studies and help the girls maintain the fortress, while nearly all of Joshuas time was spent with Balthasar, which would eventually become a problem.This is not good, Biff, Joy said in Chinese. Id learned to speak her verbiage well enough that she seldom r Greek or Latin anymore. Balthasar is getting too close with Joshua. He seldom sends for one of us to join him in his bed now.Youre not implying that Joshua and Balthasar are, uh, playing shepherd, are you? Because I know thats not true. Joshua isnt allowed. Of course the angel had said he couldnt know a woman, he hadnt said anything about a creepy old African wizard.Oh, I dont care if theyre buggering their eyeballs out, said Joy. Balthasar mustnt fall in love. Why do you think that there are eight of us?I thought it was a matter of budget, I said.You havent noticed that one of us will never spend two nights in a row with Balthasar, or that we dont speak with him beyond what is required for our duties and lessons?I had noticed, but it never occurred to me that there was something out of the ordinary. We hadnt gotten to the chapter on wizard concubine way in the book yet. So?So I think he is travel in love with Joshua. That is not good.Well, Im with you on that one. I wasnt happy the last time someone fell in love with him. But why does it matter here?I cant tell you. But there has been more commotion coming from the dwelling house of doom, said Joy. You have to help me. If Im right, we have to stop Balthasar. Well observe them tomorrow while we adjust the flow of Chi in the library.No, Joy. Not library Chi. The stuff in the library is too heavy. I hate library Chi.Chi or Qi the breath of the dragon, the eternal goose egg that flows through all things in balance, as it should be, it was half yin, half yang, half light, half dark, half male, half female. The Chi in the library was always getting fucked up, while the Chi in the rooms with just cushions, or with lightweight furniture, seemed well adjusted and balanced. I dont know why, but I guess it had a lot to do with Joys need to make me move heavy things.The next morning Joy and I went to the library to spy on Joshua and Balthasar while we redirected the librarys Chi. Joy carried a complex brass factor she called a Chi clock, which was supposed to be able to detect the flow of Chi. The magus was observably irritated as soon as we entered the room.Must this be done now?Joy bowed. Very sorry, master, but this is an emergency. She turned and barked commands at me like a papist ical centurion. Move that table over there, cant you see that it rests on the tigers testicles? Then point those chairs so they face the doorway, they lie on the dragons navel. Were lucky someone hasnt broken a leg.Yeah, lucky, I said, straining to move the bulky form table, wishing that Joy had recruited a couple of the other girls to help. Id been studying feng shui for more than three years now and I keep mum couldnt detect the least bit of Chi, coming or going. Joshua had reconciled the elusive energy by saying that it was just an oriental person way to express God all around us and in all things. That may have helped him toward some sort of spiritual understanding, but it was about as effective as trained sheep when it came to place furniture.Can I help? Joshua asked.No shouted Balthasar, standing up. We will detain in my quarters. The old wizard turned and glared at Joy and me. And we are not to be disturbed, under any circumstances.He took Joshua by the shoulder and led him out of the room.So much for spying, I said.Joy consulted the Chi clock and patted a cabinet filled with calligraphy materials. This most sure enough rides on the horn of the ox, it must be moved, she pronounced.They are gone, I said. We dont have to pretend at this anymore.Who is pretending? That cabinet bring all the yin into the hall, while the yang circles like a bird of prey.Joy, stop it. I know youre making this stuff up.She dropped the brass shaft to her side. I am not.Yes, you are. And here I thought Id push my believability a bit, just to see. I checked the yang in this room yesterday. It is in perfect balance.Joy dropped to her hands and knees, crawled under one of the huge carved dragon tables, curled up into a ball, and began to cry. Im no good at this. Balthasar wants us all to know it, but Ive never understood it. If you want the high-toned Torture of a Thousand winning Touches, I can do it, you want someone poisoned, castrated, or blown up, Im your man, but this feng shui stuff is just, justStupid? I supplied.No, I was going to say difficult. Now Ive angered Balthasar and we have no way of knowing what is happening between him and Joshua. And we must know.I can find out, I said, polishing my nails on my tunic. But I have to know why Im finding out.How will you find out?I have ways that are more subtle and crafty than all your Chinese alchemy and direction of energies.Now whos making things up? Id lost most of my credibility by dragging out the arcane-Hebrew-knowledge-for-sexual-favors guile until I had actually claimed credit for receiving the tablets of the cristal Commandments as well as constructing the Ark of the Covenant. (What? Its not my fault. Joshua was the one who would never let me be Moses when we were kids.)If I find out, will you tell me what is going on?The head concubine chewed at an elegantly lacquered nail as she thought about it. You promise not to tell anyone if I tell you? Not even your friend Joshua?I promise.T hen do what you will. But remember your lessons from The artistic production of War.I considered the words of Sun-tzu, which Joy had taught me Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby, you can be the director of the opponents fate. So after considering strategy carefully, running and rejecting the various scenarios in my head, working out what seemed a nearly foolproof plan, and making sure the quantify was perfect, I went into action. That very night, as I lay in my bed and Joshua in his, I called forth all my powers of elaboration and mysteriousness.Hey Josh, I said. Balthasar sodomizing you?NoVice versa? utterly notYou get the feeling hed like to?He was quiet for a second, then he said, Hes been very attentive lately. And he giggles at everything I say, why?Because Joy says its not good if he fall in love with you.Well, its not if hes expecting any sodomizing, Ill tell you that. Thats going to be one disappointed magus.No, worse than that. She wont tell me what, but its really, really bad.Biff, I realize you may not think so, but from my way of thinking, sodomizing the Son of God is really, really bad. intimately point. But I think she government agency something to do with whatever is behind the iron door. Until I find out, you have to keep Balthasar from falling in love with you.Ill bet he was myrrh, said Josh. Bastard, he brings the cheapest devote and now he wants to sodomize me. My mother told me the myrrh went bad after a week too.Did I mention that Joshua was not a myrrh fan?